I made it!
Today, I was like at the top most of my anger, that I want to explode and want to show my anger and frustration. But thank God, I made it. I really have a bad temper, a very very bad temper. But today, I prove to myself that I can control it.
This past few weeks, I felt so exhausted, I felt so stress, emotionally and physically. Its like, I want to explode, I want to show to everybody that I am a person that have limitation, that I am not perfect. I felt like I am being racially discriminated, I felt like somebody look down on me because I am a Filipino, and they might think that I am not smart enough to understand what they are talking about, but they are wrong! I felt rebellious about it! I felt that they dont trust me because I am idiot, or I dont really understand what I am doing. But it is very clear to me what I am doing and I clearly understand what they meant, its just that I cant voice out what is inside of me coz I am afraid that I may be understood.
But you know what, I think about all those things that I felt. And I asked the help and guidance of God.
I thank God that I have a partner in life that is always there beside me, who always give me some pieces of advice, and enlightenment. He told me, "why are you so worried about other’s feeling? You can’t please other people, but instead, please yourself, and think that you are doing something, for yourself, not for anybodies happiness!!!".. And I came to think, my husband is right? Why should I please other people and not myself. My lifetime isnt enough to please the whole world and life is so short to worry about other people’s happiness!
I think, that is really the reason why I was able to control my emotion, my feeling of anger today! I just cry it out and I told myself, that its part of life, specially at work.
Now, I dont care what the other people will say, for as long as I am doing what is "ought to be done", I dont care. Life is so short! I dont wanna waste my time spending it worrying and making myself cry! I will just let them who think of me poorly win.
Someday, I will be able to tell them that I am smart enough, that I am not the kind of person that they think, but I will not do it because I want to prove to them that they are wrong, but I want to prove to myself that I am worth of everything in this world, respect, love, friendship and honesty! I am not lying to myself!
I will lay all my plans, decisions and actions to our Lord God, I know that He is there to guide me always!
Anyways, I am happy and satisfied right now, I have a husband that is so supportive, who always open his hand to hug me when I felt like I am so down, who shed his tears with me whenever I am lonely, always lift my spirit and showed me what love is and what life is!
Those who make me cry, I thank them, because they made me more strong enough to struggle life, to make me more emotionally stable to this phase of life! Someday, I will came back to them and tell them that I am thankful for the trial that they gave to me. May the Lord God guide them too!
